Reflections

April 20, 2008

Nowadays I always have
to have a guy around my arm
Something sweet too, photographed
to show the world I'm not alone
These were from the past, the
parts where life meant so much
more - And after you had gone
I got sad and felt like the rest of
My life is seemingly quick swatches
and blurs - semi parts like deja-vu
A snapshot every second as if I've
never actually live it -Why did you
turn me this way? You've taken
a huge part of me and thrown it
away unlike your beer bottles
you keep sacred.
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I look back on this journal entry above (I was newly 20) and I can't understand a lot of things I did. What does hold true is this feeling, this emptying feeling of a life I feel like I'm not living. It's very out of body, or like a reel. I can't really explain it, it has nothing to do with that relationship, except for the fact that I started feeling this way after it ended. It's not painful, it's just weird. It's like I'm living my life but at the same time I feel like it's a flashing screen, where time is moving incredibly fast and the moments I cannot savor, they're just splotches of the present and they go on and on. I'll try and get back to this...more self reflection needs to be done.