Monday, January 31, 2011
It all started in the hotel room. That’s when I lost myself. Up until that moment where we took our coats off and he handed me that little white pill, I was fine. I had remolded myself into the kind of person I wanted to become. I was taking care of my body, my appearance, and most importantly, my mind. I had grown comfortable with the fact that I had been single for almost three years, so comfortable to the point where I felt like I’d never need it. But once I chewed up those chemical bits, I was all gone. Soon he and I entered this bizarre world where I believed whatever powers beyond, had already pre-ordained this moment. Our common interests, our lives, our entire bodies must have been destined to be in that room to take those pills and then sensually profess all this overflowing emotion into each other. I truly believed we were falling in love that night. It all felt so real, lying in the afterglow with the sun coming up. Feeling our bodies together locked in a lazy embrace. I think that was the closest I ever got to you. You were the most unguarded that night, uninhibited. It hurts now looking back almost two months ago. I don’t know why everything changed today.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Things are going to get better, no matter what.
Near to the last day of the month, I'm looking at a greater February.
I want to see it in clarity and positivity, and it will be that way.
No matter what is to happen in these next days, no matter what strange,
gut-wrenching emotion I'm going to feel, or elated, joyous pleasure i may experience,
IT IS ALL GOING TO BE ALRIGHT.
Friday, January 21, 2011
You taught me how to play 'dramamine' on the bass last night. You fit right into my room, even if your stature is much too big for my petite things. It felt good sleeping next to you last night. I want these feelings to last. We said our good byes in the morning and then I cleansed all our dirty deeds from the night right off in a chlorine bath. It was nice getting into the water. And I am starting anew again with you in mind.