Friday, February 26, 2010
It's a somber day, dark and gray. I did a few line drawings, and laid on my bed watching the smoke of incense in my bathroom climb up the walls in a secretive dance. I don't feel empty or sad like I thought I would. I just feel okay, I think the music makes me feel so bleh, just makes me think of the bigger things, life and death and what it's for. watching the white transparency float and create a figure of some other world. thinking of people that have come and gone. those before me and after me. is it like the smoke? floating up into the sky, reeling with the air, whirling up and becoming one...i want to end up like that, endlessly floating, and gathering more and more particles...connecting to an eternal piece.
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Monday, February 15, 2010
I do not know my own limitations sometimes, if you push a little...I'll push a lot. If you give a little, i'll ask for more. Not my best trait at all. I don't know when to stop sometimes, but now I see it clearly, and with respect, understand when it's okay to push and when it's okay to not do anything at all. I think I'm maturing more and more, letting things just happen, and trying not to sweat the small stuff and realize that what's meant to happen will...and if it doesn't, well it doesn't matter. I'm working on getting a running routine going in the mornings when I don't have to work...I just hook up my pod and run on the ranch overlooking the pacific ocean, I really am incredibly lucky to be living where I am. I take it for granted all the time. After my little jaunt today, I drove and felt soo good, Sirius XMU was playing some great music too this morning so I was totally high on endorphins and dancing to the grooves of Cut Copy, Whitest Boy Alive, and Felix Da Housecat. I really love the person I am becoming, I feel like I have it more together, and actually have a fantastic niche of everything, ahh i can't explain all the joy I'm feeling. I had one of the best birthdays ever and it makes me realize how many amazing people I have in my life. love love love
Friday, February 5, 2010
I had no idea that nostalgia is considered a form of mental imbalance...I just learned this today via youtube, haha. If this is true, then I guess I must be mentally ill in some way, but aren't we all? I guess that would be my greatest trigger for depression, getting stuck in time in memories, nostalgic yearnings for snap shots of my life. Moments. I think I'm getting better, yes there are times when I go back and think about days that just surpass them all, days where you think nothing will top it. But I've got to believe that there are future days that will override the ones I've already lived. This whole past/present thing is very confusing. All I know is that I'm pretty happy where I am in my life right now. Yes, there are some things I would love to change, but most of my goals are being achieved or are working their way on being met. It's friday, exactly a week until I am 22, and I'm going to be enjoying a delicious raspberry lemon drop in two hours, sipping it with some great people in my life, I can't complain... love love love