Monday, November 23, 2009

You belong in the city...

I cannot tell you how many times I've heard this from numerous friends and family, and maybe a few random people I've met on the street. Do I really belong in an urban metropolis? Do I look like I'm from the city? Sometimes I think I act like I am, the way I move out on the streets like i'm at union square or something, dodging the strollers and Fresnos visiting on a Thursday evening at SLO farmers market. I guess you could say I was born in a city, but not really, it didn't seem like a city to me. It was more of a suburb really, but the thing about southern california is that nothing is super connected, each little city is cut and before you know it you're in cerritos, or you're in long beach, or you're in costa mesa, whatever. The city down there to me is Los Angeles, duh! And I wasn't born in the heart of LA, so I can't really say I was born in a city. The shock of moving to my current hometown (population roughly 6,000 or more), was mindblowing. The hardest part was meeting new people, but it didn't take me too long to make some friends. Now I end up laughing at the tourists who are shocked we don't have a starbucks, (ewww, and they tend to ask me this at the coffee shop i work at! our coffee is way better by the way). But there was a short time when I really went/lived in the city...and that was my eighteenth summer, I moved to San Francisco and I stayed there for about seven months. I miss being anonymous and just walking everywhere looking at the buildings and sometimes meeting randoms on the bus. Or going to alamo square and smoking with a roomate, I didn't do enough. It was a great feeling, newly on my own, so young and free but at the same time I didn't realize how bogged down I was. I think it would be different now, I would've explored a lot more and met more people, but at that time it was about dependence and love...only wanting to stay trapped inside. No good. SO now, I think it's time to move again, this time it will be more methodical and planned out...not so much an impulse because a lover was living there, more for myself. One more year here and then who knows maybe Chicago? New York? Seattle? Any of those places would be fabulous, so i'm just going to keep my eyes open and feel out...because city life is something I feel I adapt too and can manage well in. But for now, I will just enjoy this quiet life and take advantage of the natural beauty before making my way to a concrete jungle.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Feelin' so Free

Hung down at Detroit Bar in Costa Mesa last night, saw one of my favorite bands The Whigs play, some other great acts like The Dead Trees rocked out last night too. So much fun! MEt some cool people, hung out with some old friends, front row dancing with a friendly drunk lady and talked about how much we adored The Whigs. They put on one hell of a show, right up there with my Mogwai live experience, seriously! The last song turned into this gigantic noise collective with strobes and red/blue lights flashing in ears were numb, fucking awesome. Drank some beer and just had a good old time. I hope these guys come to the central coast again, we could use some real good music here. Things are going super well right now, can't complain, I've got a busy weekend and week ahead and Im doing a 5k midnight fun run with my compadres today/tomorrow! Then off to celebrate 21 year old birthday of a great friend, school, then Thanksgiving! Awww, i love this time of the season when things creep up and celebration is the norm! love love love. here's some whigs and dead trees for your evening!

And dead trees, somewhat pavement reminiscent but totally have their own sound too, great groovin tunes.

Saturday, November 14, 2009

i never thought a song by 'the horrors' would hit me.

i never meant for you to get hurt
and how i try, oh how i try
i could never give you just what you deserve
another man would surely learn

i know these words may only serve to twist the knife
but i'll strive to make them heard
maybe it's better now i've gone away
maybe it's not, oh who can say

and though it's hard for me to say
i know you're better off this way

and when i told her i didn't love her anymore
she cried
and when i told her her kisses were not like before
she cried
and when i told her another girl had caught my eye
she cried
and then i kissed her with a kiss
that could only mean goodbye

and though it's hard for me to say
maybe you're better off this way
and though it's hard for me to say
i know you're better off this way

get away

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Fall and early winter is a time where I really put a lot of my soul into dressing. It's a time when I get out my Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds records, along with some Sun Kil Moon/Red House Painters. I find myself playing these bands the most during this time but theres also this mix of whatever I'm discovering/re-discovering in music land...for example I'm playin some early Pearl Jam as im writing this, and I've been watching some early Hall and Oates videos for uber cool/confident inspiration. Okay so I've got this mix of dark winter biting emotion, light broken hearted songs of love, slick attitude, and a bit of grunge all wrapped together to make my fall/winter season. Now how does it get transposed? Well, it does and it doesn't. Some key pieces for this time of year for me include: A nice black blazer, lots of thick tights, a pair of nice lace up black boots, some crazy sweaters, nice trousers and a pair of nice jeans, my beloved circle scarf, and some vintage dresses I've collected over the years. I don't follow everything to a T, I just come up with whatever I wear in the moment/mood i'm in. I also think that I just want to wear my hair one way the whole time...I've been doing this double braided pony tail with long bangs hairstyle lately. I love it because my hair is out of my face and I don't have to fuss about it, i can just braid it when it's wet and forget about it. PJ Harvey's style has really been inspiring me a lot lately and I really enjoy how she carries her femininity in a masculine suit while still looking absolutely gorgeous sans heavy makeup..maybe just a little mascara and red lipstick. She's so unique and I admire that. She's extremely versatile and i believe she wears what she feels. I think my style is growing up with me, I still want to tweak everything I wear with some quirky item but I don't know, I'm evolving I think. I want to dress more sophisticated/feminine with slight hints of vintage. And I think that's what my fall wardrobe is becoming. Anyways,this time of year is always my favorite as winter is waiting in the wings! Time is flying by, but in the mean time I'm just going to sit and enjoy this time recapturing the thoughts and emotions my standby fall musicians play for me. So I've mentioned nick cave and pj harvey in this post, well I guess I'm going to have to play one of my favorite songs they did together...'Henry Lee'
Beautiful Beautiful Beautiful.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Sweet Nostalgia 1998

Lately there has been one movie that I've just been wanting to see again, enough time has passed for me to enjoy the nostalgia of 'Excess Baggage' starring Benicio Del Toro (swoon), and Alicia Silverstone. Back when I was in fourth grade I remember I would always go to my friend Katherine's house and we would just hangout, paint our nails, and watch this movie. I swear we watched it at least once a week, we started memorizing the lines and shit. I remember how we loved how bad ass cool Alicia Silverstone was in her role and how gorgeous Benicio Del Toro was (and still is). Katherine would say that Silverstone's character held all facets of our circle of friends. I had her style, Katherine had her attitude, Amber and looked like her and our friend emily, well Alicia's character has the same name. I think her descriptions were and still are spot on. Unfortunately, I don't get to see my childhood friends as much as I'd like to anymore. Sure, I see them every couple of years or so and try to stay in touch via the internet but nothing can compare to the bonds girls share in pre adolescence, before things get catty and vain. It was all about having fun, going shopping with our moms, singing and dancing to the B52's, and proclaiming that "girls rule, boys drool!" Not to say I'm not having a blast now with my girlfriends, but that whole innocence is gone. Maturity and sex kinda complicate everything and just adult life in general complicates things. It was a fun time in my life, and it was free and easy. Which is why I need to get a hold of this movie soon, just so I can take a break and get away - travel back in time to my pre adolescent self, and figure out the process of change. Memorize and remember what it was like to be 10 and realize that I need to come back to now because one day, ten years from now I'm going to be trying to remember what I was like when I was 21.