I wanted to write everything down. I stood around a while in the dim light, my husband only a few feet away. Once it kicked in, I started to feel disconnected and distant as I went down further and further into my soul. No one else was able to relate, and I couldn't tell if they were all against me or not paying attention. I felt uncomfortable and nauseated as if I was this rookie unfamiliar with the ways of the mushroom. I forget, I forget that it's a different experience for everyone. It destroyed and improved in waves. I went up and down. It took me on this extreme ride through all my insecurities and fears. I grew paranoid and sick of all the things that could happen, but really only could happen in an alternate universe. Then I would rise and sit in there every hour or so. I looked in the mirror and admired my face and thought of how much I loved myself. I sat back down and looked at my hands vibrating. I smiled and knew what my purpose was if there were no such restrictions. Life giver, aching mother. I walked out of it, thinking of the conspiracies that weren't taking place. Then I just wanted to love him and hug him all night long. Alone, in a room, on a bed, in the dark.
