It all started in the hotel room. That’s when I lost myself. Up until that moment where we took our coats off and he handed me that little white pill, I was fine. I had remolded myself into the kind of person I wanted to become. I was taking care of my body, my appearance, and most importantly, my mind. I had grown comfortable with the fact that I had been single for almost three years, so comfortable to the point where I felt like I’d never need it. But once I chewed up those chemical bits, I was all gone. Soon he and I entered this bizarre world where I believed whatever powers beyond, had already pre-ordained this moment. Our common interests, our lives, our entire bodies must have been destined to be in that room to take those pills and then sensually profess all this overflowing emotion into each other. I truly believed we were falling in love that night. It all felt so real, lying in the afterglow with the sun coming up. Feeling our bodies together locked in a lazy embrace. I think that was the closest I ever got to you. You were the most unguarded that night, uninhibited. It hurts now looking back almost two months ago. I don’t know why everything changed today.
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