I can breathe his soul

There is just so much that I see and I feel. I could spend all my days with you. I don't have to think about it, I just know. I don't have to question anything, we both just know. It's funny how pure joy and pleasure are harder for me to document, it's incredibly hard for me to capture just how I feel, and I take that as a very good sign.

This is it. This is real. I no longer need to search and long for it. What I have is so strong, so beautiful, so real. Drink it in.

Mood of Inhalations

I'm waiting for those months to reveal it to me.
I'm waiting, to be able to exhale you out of me.
"Be patient," you whisper into my ear in the middle of the night.
Cold dreams, and you don't hold me.
I saw the cut of light coming through.
I sat up and got out of your bed for the last time.
Feet hitting empty beer cans as I landed on the carpet.
I sought composure and quietly surveyed the room to gather all I could
that was mine.
I knew when I walked out the door that my underwear was somewhere where I could not find in the morning light.
I wonder if you found those black panties, maybe dangling somewhere on a drumhead.
Only time will digest these moments into just a recollection.
I wanted to give you a purpose.
But I revealed myself too soon, and I knew it would all boil down to this.
We will now be strangers, and I love you.

When Love has died, you know you can just move on.

Sad Nature

It all started in the hotel room. That’s when I lost myself. Up until that moment where we took our coats off and he handed me that little white pill, I was fine. I had remolded myself into the kind of person I wanted to become. I was taking care of my body, my appearance, and most importantly, my mind. I had grown comfortable with the fact that I had been single for almost three years, so comfortable to the point where I felt like I’d never need it. But once I chewed up those chemical bits, I was all gone. Soon he and I entered this bizarre world where I believed whatever powers beyond, had already pre-ordained this moment. Our common interests, our lives, our entire bodies must have been destined to be in that room to take those pills and then sensually profess all this overflowing emotion into each other. I truly believed we were falling in love that night. It all felt so real, lying in the afterglow with the sun coming up. Feeling our bodies together locked in a lazy embrace. I think that was the closest I ever got to you. You were the most unguarded that night, uninhibited. It hurts now looking back almost two months ago. I don’t know why everything changed today.

Just Me

Things are going to get better, no matter what.
Near to the last day of the month, I'm looking at a greater February.
I want to see it in clarity and positivity, and it will be that way.
No matter what is to happen in these next days, no matter what strange,
gut-wrenching emotion I'm going to feel, or elated, joyous pleasure i may experience,
IT IS ALL GOING TO BE ALRIGHT.

I'm Happy again...

You taught me how to play 'dramamine' on the bass last night. You fit right into my room, even if your stature is much too big for my petite things. It felt good sleeping next to you last night. I want these feelings to last. We said our good byes in the morning and then I cleansed all our dirty deeds from the night right off in a chlorine bath. It was nice getting into the water. And I am starting anew again with you in mind.