Happy Monday

Fucking awesome...

the laws of some attraction

I just finished watching "About a Son" a little film full of images and complete recordings of an interview Kurt Cobain did around '92, '93 with rock journalist Michael Azerrad. Besides being sad and unsettling, understanding the root of his troubles and sympathetic to his life, I came to the conclusion that some guys need a crazy, insane woman. When he started talking about how he had met Courtney Love, and how he made her feel, it kind of made sense. He saw himself as this weak individual who despised 99.9% of humanity, and maybe felt his own life was a bit boring. When Courtney showed up in his life, he said her insane urges and outlandish behavior brought some excitement into his life, and he liked that. I'm not going to say that I entirely know all about this relationship, but I know it wasn't a perfect relationship despite the fact that he may have been happy time to time with her. I think the drugs would've had a huge impact in the relationship as well, the ones who "inject together, stay together," i suppose until one od's or commits suicide. Anyways, I just don't get how some people crave this kind of unstable, unhealthy relationship. I suppose the excitement is a big factor, because it derives this love/hate passionate kind of thing. Something that I haven't experienced, and don't think I ever will, unless i too, meet a crazy drug fueled man who'll "build me up to just bring me down."

We bounded over Psychedelic Furs and Pixies

I have a confession to make, i used to have an Internet buddy. And no, it wasn't a Dateline To Catch a Predator Special with Chris Hansen unfortunately. I was about 13 when AIM was all the rage and chatting in chat rooms was freakin' cool. Well one of my friends got me into it, I was a little weirded out at first, but since i was in middle school and this kind of thing was 'cool,' I decided to give it a try. This is how I met my only Internet buddy i didn't ever know in real life...My aim name was "PrettyPunk" (haha), and I met "RebelAgnstAll" or also known as 'Dylan'-through a random chat room. Now, I'll never be sure that he was a 15 year old guy living in West Virginia with a penchant for good taste in music, but he seemed pretty legit to me. [God, he probably was a super lonely 30 year old guy with a beer belly,] Anyways, we started chatting, talking about punk rock and how much he loved the Psychedelic Furs and how he saw them with his dad in D.C.. He also loved the Pixies, and that's how I got hooked into that band. He recommended 'Trompe le Monde,' so I went out and bought it a few days later, and fell in love with that record. It was weird, it was the only time I ever dabbled with the idea of an 'Internet boyfriend'...I would fantasize how we would meet one day, and he'd be the coolest guy around and whatever else a young teenage girl dreams about. We would just talk about music and the things we liked, and how he would say he wished i went to school with him...I never got freaked out about anything, because it truly was innocent and i never lured him to my house with a heaping pitcher of iced tea just so Mr. Hansen could stroll on in and catch him, haha. It was just two young kids bonding over david bowie and Francis Black, and it was a really hopeful time for me, because i knew I could find someone, somewhere who shared my weird insecurities and love for music no one at my school had even heard of. Then as my middle school years ended, and computer failure happened, I just lost touch and that was pretty much the end of that. I wonder what Dylan is up to now? I will never know, but it was cool to have that one experience and I'm just glad it was legitimate and not uber scary like the things you hear on the news, just someone to bitch with and pass the agonizing years of adolescence with.

You belong in the city...

I cannot tell you how many times I've heard this from numerous friends and family, and maybe a few random people I've met on the street. Do I really belong in an urban metropolis? Do I look like I'm from the city? Sometimes I think I act like I am, the way I move out on the streets like i'm at union square or something, dodging the strollers and Fresnos visiting on a Thursday evening at SLO farmers market. I guess you could say I was born in a city, but not really, it didn't seem like a city to me. It was more of a suburb really, but the thing about southern california is that nothing is super connected, each little city is cut and before you know it you're in cerritos, or you're in long beach, or you're in costa mesa, whatever. The city down there to me is Los Angeles, duh! And I wasn't born in the heart of LA, so I can't really say I was born in a city. The shock of moving to my current hometown (population roughly 6,000 or more), was mindblowing. The hardest part was meeting new people, but it didn't take me too long to make some friends. Now I end up laughing at the tourists who are shocked we don't have a starbucks, (ewww, and they tend to ask me this at the coffee shop i work at! our coffee is way better by the way). But there was a short time when I really went/lived in the city...and that was my eighteenth summer, I moved to San Francisco and I stayed there for about seven months. I miss being anonymous and just walking everywhere looking at the buildings and sometimes meeting randoms on the bus. Or going to alamo square and smoking with a roomate, I didn't do enough. It was a great feeling, newly on my own, so young and free but at the same time I didn't realize how bogged down I was. I think it would be different now, I would've explored a lot more and met more people, but at that time it was about dependence and love...only wanting to stay trapped inside. No good. SO now, I think it's time to move again, this time it will be more methodical and planned out...not so much an impulse because a lover was living there, more for myself. One more year here and then who knows maybe Chicago? New York? Seattle? Any of those places would be fabulous, so i'm just going to keep my eyes open and feel out...because city life is something I feel I adapt too and can manage well in. But for now, I will just enjoy this quiet life and take advantage of the natural beauty before making my way to a concrete jungle.

Feelin' so Free

Hung down at Detroit Bar in Costa Mesa last night, saw one of my favorite bands The Whigs play, some other great acts like The Dead Trees rocked out last night too. So much fun! MEt some cool people, hung out with some old friends, front row dancing with a friendly drunk lady and talked about how much we adored The Whigs. They put on one hell of a show, right up there with my Mogwai live experience, seriously! The last song turned into this gigantic noise collective with strobes and red/blue lights flashing in sucession...my ears were numb, fucking awesome. Drank some beer and just had a good old time. I hope these guys come to the central coast again, we could use some real good music here. Things are going super well right now, can't complain, I've got a busy weekend and week ahead and Im doing a 5k midnight fun run with my compadres today/tomorrow! Then off to celebrate 21 year old birthday of a great friend, school, then Thanksgiving! Awww, i love this time of the season when things creep up and celebration is the norm! love love love. here's some whigs and dead trees for your evening!



And dead trees, somewhat pavement reminiscent but totally have their own sound too, great groovin tunes.

i never thought a song by 'the horrors' would hit me.

i never meant for you to get hurt
and how i try, oh how i try
i could never give you just what you deserve
another man would surely learn

i know these words may only serve to twist the knife
but i'll strive to make them heard
maybe it's better now i've gone away
maybe it's not, oh who can say

and though it's hard for me to say
i know you're better off this way

and when i told her i didn't love her anymore
she cried
and when i told her her kisses were not like before
she cried
and when i told her another girl had caught my eye
she cried
and then i kissed her with a kiss
that could only mean goodbye


and though it's hard for me to say
maybe you're better off this way
and though it's hard for me to say
i know you're better off this way

get away

Fall and early winter is a time where I really put a lot of my soul into dressing. It's a time when I get out my Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds records, along with some Sun Kil Moon/Red House Painters. I find myself playing these bands the most during this time but theres also this mix of whatever I'm discovering/re-discovering in music land...for example I'm playin some early Pearl Jam as im writing this, and I've been watching some early Hall and Oates videos for uber cool/confident inspiration. Okay so I've got this mix of dark winter biting emotion, light broken hearted songs of love, slick attitude, and a bit of grunge all wrapped together to make my fall/winter season. Now how does it get transposed? Well, it does and it doesn't. Some key pieces for this time of year for me include: A nice black blazer, lots of thick tights, a pair of nice lace up black boots, some crazy sweaters, nice trousers and a pair of nice jeans, my beloved circle scarf, and some vintage dresses I've collected over the years. I don't follow everything to a T, I just come up with whatever I wear in the moment/mood i'm in. I also think that I just want to wear my hair one way the whole time...I've been doing this double braided pony tail with long bangs hairstyle lately. I love it because my hair is out of my face and I don't have to fuss about it, i can just braid it when it's wet and forget about it. PJ Harvey's style has really been inspiring me a lot lately and I really enjoy how she carries her femininity in a masculine suit while still looking absolutely gorgeous sans heavy makeup..maybe just a little mascara and red lipstick. She's so unique and I admire that. She's extremely versatile and i believe she wears what she feels. I think my style is growing up with me, I still want to tweak everything I wear with some quirky item but I don't know, I'm evolving I think. I want to dress more sophisticated/feminine with slight hints of vintage. And I think that's what my fall wardrobe is becoming. Anyways,this time of year is always my favorite as winter is waiting in the wings! Time is flying by, but in the mean time I'm just going to sit and enjoy this time recapturing the thoughts and emotions my standby fall musicians play for me. So I've mentioned nick cave and pj harvey in this post, well I guess I'm going to have to play one of my favorite songs they did together...'Henry Lee'
Beautiful Beautiful Beautiful.